i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so let's talk penis.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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