party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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