Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
