Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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