i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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