I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i love accidental penises.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
