and you said cock pushups were impossible
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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