I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
