Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
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