first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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