you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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