At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
