so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
