Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
