wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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