Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
