I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How does one acquire holy water?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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