I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
