I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
