Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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