just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
