A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
