Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
