i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
