so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
