his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
