The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
