I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
