He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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