My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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