This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize