are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize