Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
