Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
organizing the empties. That sober.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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