Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
