We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
