So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
