Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
