So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
