i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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