I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I need moral support for this bender
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
