he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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