Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
