oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
