there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
