I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize