I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
