just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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