My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
