My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
if only i could text you this smell
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
