After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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