Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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