I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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