im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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