I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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