i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
