He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
