Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
